“I could feel the blood draining from me. My hands went cold, the heart started beating faster. There was chaos in the mind. The breaths became heavy as I shivered and a cold sweat drained from me. The hearing became numb as I saw the stars in the bright luminous light. The vision became blurry. This can’t be happening. No. No. No. I shouted in silence of my mind.”
The night was dull and the cold breeze was lurking under the crescent moon. The stars danced in the flickering monogamy of dark luminous night. Like most of the people out there, the year didn’t start on a positive note for me, which literally means that it was as normal as any other day. No, the sun didn’t shine any different. No, the wind didn’t make sweet ruffling giving me a fresh breath, though it was quite opposite. I am in that spot under the limelight where I am being evaluated, or well it does look like it most of it. There have been a lot of tumbling and things going astray and a few are my own doing. And to add to all that, I am having a hard time making choices/decisions. I am losing my mind in a nutshell, if I were to bluntly put the words in truth. It is not something new, but well this time it just went up a notch, way up to the top level. So, in order to cope up with all this, I have these talks, the walk talk ( the one where I talk to myself giving a clear idea what a dumb person I am to the onlookers, where in I mostly cursing God or whatever. And mind you it is the same topic every single day which I am getting bored of, as I feel he is not interested in listening to some guy rambling walking down the street) and shower talk ( I guess this is self explanatory, but this time it is mostly about what to write and all that jazz). So anyway, let me give a small peek into the kind of person I am, which I cleverly hide for the people to not-notice-that-part-of-me.
I had been that kind of guy who instead of taking it to the next level, or at least to get on some level, just try to find ways to not-do-anything. Yes, don’t hesitate to judge me. I do that all the time (I mean judging “me”), so please be my guest. And I have the exact same thoughts that you are having. But let’s not speculate and put a hold on taking a peek into myself. Anyway, I was having one of those long usual showers, which are long because of the talks, of course. So, while I was under the soft warm trinkets of bliss, I was having my moment. But this was quite a little different. This time, I wasn’t talking writing or even the things that happened over the day which screwed me in a way or the other (yes, it happens almost everyday). The topic on the menu was me. So this talk was a little longer and could be termed as a speech (what? You don’t believe? Don’t worry, you would change your mind at the end of this post). It was long and kind of stupid but now that I think of it, I could relate it to the one we usually see in the movies where in a game the opponent team is in leading with a big margin of score while the team (the hero’s team, of course) is still just at the beginning with little or no points, the coach gives a heartfelt felt speech which boosts the confidence or whatever, but mostly it gives me goosebumps. And if you remember the people trolling all over the Internet with pictures or comments saying that their cat turned into a tiger, or likewise after listening to that particular speech. And no, my speech wasn’t anything remotely similar. So anyway, this happened :
“Get over yourself. There are troubles, roadblocks, hurdles, whatnot. There will be more and they will continue to come your way. That is how life works. Life is a bitch, I know. But stop bitching about it. You can’t pretend to ignore and then really ignore it. Whatever you do, you just have to take it in and get over with it- by fighting your way through it. No. Writing about it in that diary that is hidden under your bed won’t help you and it isn’t called fighting. You are not freeing yourself of anything though you want to believe that writing is a way of letting out the emotions and whatnot. You are just trying to feel the comfort in writing it down. But let me break it to you, the book, that diary might hold all your frustration but it won’t solve any problems. Does it? And what are you bloating about on the mention of writing? Come on, I don’t want to be hard on you, you actually suck at it. Yes, you do admit it a lot many times, but at the back of your head you have a voice saying otherwise. But you know what to believe and what not to. Because no matter how much you put yourself in the words, the feelings, the life and whatnot, you still can’t escape the inevitable. It will be with you all the way unless you break that allegedly unbreakable wall. It is just that you have to believe in yourself. You have been busy trying to figure out how to live a life and not actually “living” it. The moments pass and you are still in the crossroads trying to figure out what this life is all about. You need to stop trying to figure it out and live your goddamn life . It is mystery for a reason, don’t you get it? And it, the life will throw everything that it has got at you. Just stand firm and fight. Fight with all your might. That is the motto of life, in simple words. It will not be easy, it never is, but you have to be strong enough. No, you have to make yourself strong enough and break the barriers and make lemonade with the lemons. Do something, something that you didn’t think you could do because nothing is impossible. No, I am not giving that stupid example that says “impossible” is nothing but “I’m Impossible” because apostrophes and spaces just don’t fly and magically appear in the sentences or words. But seriously though, nothing is impossible. So, in a nutshell, do something, make something of yourself. From tomorrow, the sun will not shine the same way as today, the wind breezing through you won’t be the same, the rain hitting you will be soft and will freshen you. It will be a new day, a new you and everything will be great for as long as you believe in yourself. You are changing yourself, going to influence, inspire others and prosper, be accomplished of yourself. That is a reward in itself, for you and the people around you.”
I believe that there were no cats-turning-into-tigers, right? And yes, I had that talk from you-know-who! Well, not the exact whole talk, this is a gist of it actually, oh wait, not the gist but rather the elaborated or should I say the implied version of the talk. The daily routine continues in the night with me ending up making plans for the day yet to come. Slowly, I doze off to sleep and wake up the other day to the alarm which had been ringing for the past 2 hours. So, what was in store for me today? Excited much! I was supposed to be excited but does it stay as excited as I want it to?
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Wouldn’t you want to know? Let’s see how many of you people can make it up to here and are still interested for the following day. You know you cold stop the massacre of your mind right here, right now. I don’t know why but this line just keeps repeating itself in my mind. Because I don’t know, may it is being ironic and mocking me in the process.
“Agar kisi cheez ko dil se chaho toh puri kayanat usse tumse milane ki koshish mein lag jaati hai.”
Before you make any conclusions and assumptions, yes, I am a fan of SRK and many other superstars. But that’s not the point. And no, this has nothing to do with “love”. This is more on a general sense. The point being, if we wish something with all our heart, then the universe helps you in the achieving it or likewise. But what if we didn’t want something with all our heart to happen ( like say Life screwing us over, and over, and over and over) what does the universe has to say about it. Or like say if we wanted everything to be normal and nothing more nothing less, then what? The universe isn’t going to turn on us, is it? I guess it is for us to find out. I actually kind of did, that day.
P.S. The title? “What’s ironic?“, if you are still not sure! Life, actually and you-know-whose!
0 responses to “It’s ironic,actually!”
babaji kontham….too much philosophy…!!!
strong emotions poured all together…all ok..???
take care dear.Things happen for a reason & that dialogue of SRK that's quite true.
seems like ua frustrated a lo tbut i dunno that you can write so well even in frustration…dont woryr,things will be fine ….
I would be lying if I said everything was okay.
Philosophy? Nah. It's just the BS talk I do with self.
No. For me, they don't. There isn't any reason. I wanted to believe that there is some reason, but when shit happens, it just happens for no apparent reason. At least, for me.
Not a little, a lot actually. You think it's nice? You are the first person to say that. Thanks. 🙂 I really appreciate the gesture.
Haha. That train has left the station, my friend. There is nothing fine or good that is going to happen. Not anytime soon.
Thanks for dropping by. 🙂
Now listen to me young man, I partially agree with the voice who gave you the speech while you took the bath. Apart from the part where it said that you suck at writing and that writing is not an escape, I agree where is said that nothing is impossible.
You are not the only one who is trying to solve the mystery of life. We all are and sometimes nothing makes sense, but that doesnt mean that you are stuck. Everything will be fine and it definitely will be.
2015 might not have started positively for you but dude, life isnt just about some random year. You cheer up. You are a good man. 🙂
Thank you, Red Handed.
Life is such, I understand. I don't have any problem with that. Being stuck is kind of my superpower. The problem is when something happens for no apparent reason. I can't agree to that. Because no matter how normal or routine I'm, something gets messed up and in the process I'm affected deeply.
You are very kind and supportive. I totally appreciate it. Why can't life be like that ?
I so agree with Red! Why is that I find you swimming in the current of emotions always? Come on AK! You give yourself far less credit. Pick yourself up! And that's an order.