The dilemma of the depth of the question killed him. He had known what he had wanted all along and what he wished for most people weren’t a big fan of. Most, in this pretext meant nearly 99% of the people. What was this that made this wish so profound? Why was he in such a dilemma! The questions haunted his own alter ego.
But amid all, what did he want? To be free. To be able to breathe freely without a conscious haunting in every step of the way. To be able to do whatever he wanted to do. To fly among the soft clouds that floated in the sky of a summer evening. He was second in a family of three children. But he has always been the eldest. How? A tragedy! A tragedy in which his brother left this so called beautiful world after enjoying the life in this world for a couple of days. Just a couple of days. How more terrible can God be? If he was born before his brother, he would have been devastated. But he was lucky? He was fortunate enough to escape that hardship.
All this while as he grew up, he was totally unaware of a heavenly soul and was the eldest in the family. He never had a thought, never had a mention, never knew that he was second. He never had to think deep even after he came to know, he wasn’t at a liberty to feel remorse. But every one in a while he would imagine what if that kid was still around, what the world around him would be like. Above all, all he thought was that it would have been pleasant.
Why? Why he wanted his brother to be alive? But first of all, he wondered whether the almighty God was fair? Eventually as time passed by, he started realizing his anger towards God for being so unfair to a kid who was still young, who didn’t even put his legs on this world. He was as much angry as the circumstances that led to now. The loss of life at any point of time could scar anyone for life. Life is precious, and God understands this more than anyone. But, if only he did! He asked, rather shouted at God, cursed him, demeaned him and after failing to see any results started losing faith in him. No matter how much faith he lost, even when there was no faith left to lose, he still remembered him every once in a while, either it was to curse him or beg him. He concluded God to be a mean person with no conscious, no remorse. How could anyone tell otherwise!
Now revisiting again, Why he wanted his brother to be alive? Why he hated God so much? Why, because that night God took away the wrong person. He wishes that if that day had been any different, the world, his world would have been a different place. A peaceful place where he always wishes to be. A place where there is no sorrow. A place where there is no pain. A place where there is no hatred, no nothing. A place where he never existed, where he never existed!
0 responses to “What is right?”
Survivor's guilt? I know it is cliched but everything happens for a reason. The reason might not be apparent but it is there. Trust in something that you believe and do what you were meant to do, you can't go wrong.
Survivor's guilt? I know it is cliched but everything happens for a reason. The reason might not be apparent but it is there. Trust in something that you believe and do what you were meant to do, you can't go wrong.
There's so much pain and longing in this feeling. And “that” feeling, it's worse than any other suffering. I hope the person gets past this 🙂
There's so much pain and longing in this feeling. And “that” feeling, it's worse than any other suffering. I hope the person gets past this 🙂
Why, thank you. 🙂
Why, thank you. 🙂
Yes, there is. I hope so too.
Thanks for dropping by. 🙂
Yes, there is. I hope so too.
Thanks for dropping by. 🙂
This post hits a deep chord in my heart 🙂 I would have had an older brother, if it weren't for a miscarriage. But I've often wondered how things would be otherwise, or if I'd even be around.
This post hits a deep chord in my heart 🙂 I would have had an older brother, if it weren't for a miscarriage. But I've often wondered how things would be otherwise, or if I'd even be around.
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. -_-
Things would have been different. But how different is something to ponder about.
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. -_-
Things would have been different. But how different is something to ponder about.
Wow. This reminds of me Sons of Anarchy, the show that I am watching right now. So much pain, guilt and remorse. These are the few lines of the song that was used on this show. Your posts goes totally with it. It's one of the most touching song I have heard in recent time. It punches me right in the heart. You should listen to it. It's called The Lost Boy, by Greg Holden.
“I left my home still as a child, I walked a thousand sorry miles
To wait for my father, to gather up his tools
He said my boy you've got to run, don't wait for me, don't wait for mum
We'll come get you, when it's safe for us to move
So I waited many years, held back the pain behind my tears
For my father, to come find me like he said
And in that time I was alone, so many years without my home
I made brothers of a different kind instead.
A hero into the masses, to those born without chances
There's a freedom that everyone deserves
I know there's greed and there's corruption
I've seen death and mass destruction
But I'm telling you, and I hope that I'm heard”
Wow. This reminds of me Sons of Anarchy, the show that I am watching right now. So much pain, guilt and remorse. These are the few lines of the song that was used on this show. Your posts goes totally with it. It's one of the most touching song I have heard in recent time. It punches me right in the heart. You should listen to it. It's called The Lost Boy, by Greg Holden.
“I left my home still as a child, I walked a thousand sorry miles
To wait for my father, to gather up his tools
He said my boy you've got to run, don't wait for me, don't wait for mum
We'll come get you, when it's safe for us to move
So I waited many years, held back the pain behind my tears
For my father, to come find me like he said
And in that time I was alone, so many years without my home
I made brothers of a different kind instead.
A hero into the masses, to those born without chances
There's a freedom that everyone deserves
I know there's greed and there's corruption
I've seen death and mass destruction
But I'm telling you, and I hope that I'm heard”
I don't know what to say.
This is awesome. 🙂
And wait, did you just read four posts in a row? #salute
I don't know what to say.
This is awesome. 🙂
And wait, did you just read four posts in a row? #salute