I had been trying to get a proper sports jacket for a while and for some god forsaken reason, I had been failing to get one. I thought I got the ‘one’, but this turned out to be tighter than usual and also, compared to other two suits I got which were literally drowning me in fabric. I was compelled to get a sewing machine and stitch up the excess space. Well, I could fill up the excess space if I gained a couple more pounds. Believe it or not, I have been thinking of cutting down the weight. Kindly note the key operative word here is thinking not trying. After I had got the oversized suits, I thought one lesser size would obviously fit me, no doubt. And that being a sports jacket, I could don it on casuals, formal, practically over anything. I know I have a very great fashion sense that I would put all the fashion designers to shame, not. I was pretty sure this was the one to give be that sharp edgy classier look I have always wanted. Nothing could be father from the truth. The suits had been failing me but then again my body has been so disproportionate that I can’t even begin to complain. And here I was thinking I finally got the one. I can’t even raise my hands straight up, but who is going know, right? No one is going to ask me to change a light bulb, are they? Wait, are they going to?

I saw her name while I was booking my workstation for the day. I was a bit intrigued as I always am when I see a girls name. But in retrospect, I booked the workstation long before anyone else had planned to sit next to me. I had no idea until the previous night when I wanted to double check my seating arrangement so that I don’t have to look confused in office. A few too many alarms had failed to wake me up on time and I was on the edge. The question being to go, or not to go. After a few snooze buttons and waking up at the time I should have been out of the door, I literally mustered all the courage I could to get me off the bed and got ready. I was late which was no doubt, but no one was checking. I was on time for the first meeting which was still an half hour away. I was on time, from my timing perspective. I would have woken up 15 minutes before the meeting if I were at home. I walked past her, not looking, and started setting up my workstation. I walked past a few more times and still hadn’t looked who this mystery person was. Finally, I saw her eyes as I was settling back in with my coffee. Whoa! 

“I just got a dinner topic to talk about”, she joked about something her team were discussing about. I am not one to eavesdrop, but I am the one to eavesdrop. “No, just so that I don’t forget”, she suffixed jokingly to the previous comment, in a very posh western accent. At this point, I branched out from my usual thoughts to a whole new dimension. I started to analyze how people are similar, yet so different in so many ways. I have always attributed one’s growth to the surroundings, not just their upbringing, what they have taught themselves growing over the years and not to mention what has been taught. There is a whole dynamics at play here and I could go on for hours and days trying to decode, and eventually stumbling on wrong conclusions like a few too many people do. I forced myself back to the current dimension I was in trying to get more details without appearing to eavesdrop. I had already paused the music in my headsets, but still had them on. I know, very discreet. Shhhh! I couldn’t get much but I did draw up a conclusion that she was born and raised in this country, not what her surname suggested otherwise. Not that I had any shot nor was I looking for any shot, but there goes my shot. I think one thing I have realized over the years, I have never looked for a relationship, but mostly friends. I have been trying to friend zone myself, but no one seems to be interested. Well, I couldn’t blame anyone but myself. I have been hiding behind so many layers that I can’t even recognize myself. Inspite of these inhibitions that seems to haunt me, I am no stranger to showing off whenever and whatever, not that anyone ever cared. In my head, all the people are just die hard fans of me showing off stuff and are wondering, ‘Whoa, who’s that guy?’. And one such thing was trying to impress people with other skills since talking fails me every time. One thing that seemed to have impressed people was origami. I know many of us have already seen prison break series and obviously saw the origamis made by the protagonist. I did see that, but that seemed to have attracted me at that time. It was years later when I was at home binging through some tv series I don’t remember now, for some bizarre reason, I decided to learn a few tricks. I was pretty sure this was going to blow people’s mind. 

It did. I mean it didn’t blow anyone’s mind. But I saw that people were interested in the paper art. That was my cue to take to the next step. I think at that point I knew only a few, like one or two, and that too very easy ones. Since I was on a mission to impress people and that did mean that people would talk to me, I did a little bit more YouTube learning and got to 5 different ones, one being the most difficult one. Not that others were easy, but they were, comparatively. I had employed this trick a few years later at the new Starbucks that I was getting accustomed to. Believe it or not, I became a part of the Starbucks coffee gang that used to hangout at that store all the time, I being one of them. I think I do have to give credit where it is due and I give that to Origami. I had been trying to do the same a few years later, in a different country though and that seemed to be not working. I have realized that some people just don’t care. And that does push me deeper into a spiral, and I keep wondering if I am just leaving a mess for them to clean later, or perhaps they might be thinking that I am just wasting paper and causing environmental burden with those tiny art pieces, I seem to leaving all around. But I never stopped though. Maybe, no one cares about them, and I don’t care what they think either. Actually, I do, but I pretend not to. Anyway, I was here standing at work, trying to pretend to be working hard being engrossed in meetings with my headphones intact which is slowly playing the music I don’t know the lyrics to. And I whipped out one the origami paper to get down to business of impressing without looking like I am. I did end up making one of my favourite origami dragon, which I thought might impress to start a conversation asking whether I made that. And guess what, the moment finally came. She packed up her stuff and went home. Maybe, better luck next time, I reassured myself. 

ak | x.ix.mmxxii