Caffeine. 
I have always liked coffee ever since it was a kid, a time when coffee was never given to kids. I did get it occasionally though, like once a week kind of thing after a certain age. It was not a simple bargain though, I had to agree to something to get one cup of coffee once a week. It didn’t become a regular thing, never. I used to like these occasional coffee encounters that I did have. It had a great aroma and of course it tasted so good compared to other products I was made to drink with the promise of getting taller, stronger, and not to mention more intelligent. If only a drink could fix the intelligent quotient of a person. If only! Be as it may, I didn’t get addicted to it though. It was a guilt pleasure, you may call it. Until a few years later, when I became the rebel. I had demanded that I would drink only coffee and nothing else. For some reason, my tantrum was accepted and I was given leeway, for some unknown reason. This was many years later, of course when I started college.

You could say that I am a coffee person, not that I don’t like tea. But I would clearly pick coffee over tea anyway, anytime. Unless of course, there is no coffee, I wouldn’t mind tea. But I don’t think I can take any other drink, and I am talking about all the hard stuff. Oh, believe me, I tried. I just couldn’t get accustomed to it. I did wonder how hard can it be, given that I consider myself to be a foodie which basically meant I am always open to eat anything. In my mind, I could obviously drink, but the reality was further from the truth. The first time I did try, it took me an hour to complete a quarter of a glass. It continued to happen a few other times I did try to drink. I just couldn’t. I am much more comfortable with a soft drink rather than a hard one, clearly. I have a few too many people surprised with my revelation which always followed but a question, “Is it by choice or other reasons?”. I would drink if I could. I mean I should drink. And with all the voices, million random questions, everything else and a little more in my head, I should be lying in some ditch drunk. If movies have taught me anything, hurting people are compelled to drink. And I wonder when that switch is going to flip for me. It would be a great disaster and I can totally see it happening. But it is a tomorrow story, one that I would so intoxicated to write.   

When I started working, I used to be regular at the nearby coffee shop. I was very vocal about it, because the people around me knew that I was a brand ambassador for the coffee shop and that I was literally paying the wages for the barista. I had always thought, I mean dreamt that somewhere in these coffee shops was my soulmate. Ofcourse, it does make sense, right? Well, not al dreams become reality. Slowly, I realized that perhaps going to the same coffee shop was not really the right way to find the so-called soulmate. I had to explore other potential coffee shops and perhaps there was one sitting somewhere listening to exactly the same or maybe opposite genre playlist. Some differences complete the missed connections, or so I would preach. I did hangout at various coffee shops, trying to flaunt whatever little I did have and a lot more I didn’t have, trying to give the impression of a studious yet quite serious (upcoming) writer. I was just waiting for people to tap me on my shoulder and ask for a selfie. I would continue to float in this dreamland, every single time and as you might have guessed, that never did happen, nor will it ever happen. 

Transition.
I don’t exactly remember when, but ever since I started dropping by Starbucks, the epitome of expensive coffee and a show of status, clearly. I have heard people complaining about going to Starbucks for the sole reason being it was expensive. I won’t deny that, it is indeed expensive. But I am guessing that you might have gathered by now that I have a habit of compartmentalizing. I have dedicated loud, crowded coffee shops as a place to get more work done, than the quiet coziness of home. My home at the time was anything but cozy. But it did indeed have a lot of distractions, primarily being that I seem to always slip into watching some or the other TV series or movie, without any schedule. And as you might guessed, I would binge watch the whole series, yes not a season, the whole series. I have gone to office a couple too many times without sleep and have seen myself losing my mind since I was sleep deprived. I would not recommend it. You might get the satisfaction of finishing the entire series, but you will start to lose time, and not to mention mind, and obviously the only return gift you would get are dark circles. I have racked up so many points at Starbucks that I started inviting people as if Starbucks was paying me to bring, let me rephrase ‘influence’ people to come to Starbucks. That was primary objective anyway, but the underlying reason was for the sake of some company, obviously, given that I am very social, and  outgoing person. Lets put this behaviour of mine under show-off category. None of them liked the coffee or the price. But I never cared for the opinions nor the price of the coffee. 

“You just come, take the coffee and go. You don’t talk much, do you?”, I was reacquainted with the paraphrase I had long forgotten. Thanks to staying home during the whole of lockdown and closed shops. I have always tried to stay away from conversations, not by choice, but by something I can’t seem to explain. I have never been able to talk, not for the lack of trying. I did see myself going on and on about some bullshit with some people and even then, I kept thinking what to talk about next. Anyway, my inhibitions are a story for some other day. I didn’t know how to respond when I heard the sentence from the barista, I just smiled, or tried to. But nothing came out. I think I tried to say something, and something did come one, but they could clearly not make sense of it, neither could I. I had a cringe moment, and mentally slapped myself for falling on my face. This happened a couple too many times that I started making plans to change the usual coffee shop altogether. I have had too many facepalm moments to count and my (obviously absent, but self professing high) reputation was slowly deteriorating. And while I was contemplating with my decisions, I saw her for a fraction of a second, behind the counter, with a face over her face with only eyes being visible, engrossed in making coffee.

ak | x.xxvii.mmxxii