There is nothing called too much*.
– Unknown, 1789

*when it comes to food. Stuff it in. Don’t doubt yourself. You can do it. I am sorry I can’t hear you crying over the food in your mouth. Wait, there is another plate coming right up for you. Enjoy.
– Still unknown, 2017

This one day I had a huge meal. Huge as in you can’t seem to move and when you talk, food flies out of your mouth huge. And I was feeling the after affects of it just as I finished  my dinner that day which was quite evident in the way I was trying to sit straight to let room and doing crunches for the food to go down and digest immediately, but then someone said looking at the left over food, “Give it to that guy. He has good metabolism. He doesn’t get fat at all” disregarding the already huge tummy building up that is quite evident even from the NASA satellite in the sky. For a second,  I didn’t know what to take that as. Should it be taken as compliment since I get to eat some more food? Or be offended at the fact that I seriously didn’t have any so called “m-e-t-a-b-o-l-i-s-m” and I was sucking in my stomach all the time to show off my straight stomach. Anyhow, I suck it up again and stuff it in even though there was no space at all in my mouth as well. I reach home later that night and look at myself and the other me in the form of a huge belly. I thought to myself as I stared deep into it silently hoping that my deep thoughts could be heard by this belly and somehow diminish. But as it didn’t happen, I was pretty sure this will be going away in no time. Probably, in a day or two when I return back to my normal meal quantity.

The following day had some similar circumstances, where I was found stuffing that food even though I was filled upto the neck. Yes, I too don’t know why I do this. I just can’t help it, I guess. I followed the same ritual like the previous night – began with staring at the other me and feeling hopeful that it will go away. Well, someone said that I had great metabolism. It had to be true. I has to be. I closed my eyes and prayed to the metabolism god inside me, well because God is within us and we can create whatever God we wanted. It is legal in my country, anyway.But it didn’t seem to work. Because I was still carrying this other huge me and it was growing every day. I fear it could turn into my evil twin. Oh, the horrors of it! But like always, this God didn’t listen to my plea or my prayer. Eventually, this huge thing was normal now. Earlier, I had difficulty in sitting or carrying it around or when I ate a little extra. Now, that little extra had become normal and two plates later, it was a little extra. This maths is fascinating, isn’t it? Wish I has paid more attention to it in school. May be I could have distinguished between what was enough and what was too more. Long story longer, this wasn’t going anywhere and it was to stay with me for eternity, unless I learn maths or do this universally renowned and highly followed thing called “Exercise”.

I was getting ready for office and I picked out my one  favorite shirt, which was all I had. This one shirt is my favorite for two reason : 1. It is of my favorite color. 2. It fits me perfectly. But that day, I wasn’t feeling particularly well. May it had to do something with what had just happened. I put on my shirt as usual, no biggie. And then as I felt a little thirsty, I decided to drink water. So, for a moment I forget that I let go of the sucked in stomach. I heard something hit the mirror in front of me which I discarded it for some fly losing it’s way and hitting the mirror. I drank my water and sat down to do my shoes, that was when I saw this huge chunk popping out of the opening between the two buttons. What was more interesting was there was a button missing between them. Now, where did this button go?

The other day, I was in a dilemma to decide whether to have food or not. I know it’s a weird kind of a doubt to be in, but still I was in one. Mostly because I hadn’t been out in the last two days and it was high time I tend to my stomach, not for nourishing it with more junk food, but to reduce it. The reason I had to reduce it because I wasn’t able to see the TV while I was lying down. I have to use extra pillows, just in case I wanted to see the TV and I don’t have extra pillows. I mean I could get them, but I have to go out for it and that was something I wan’t sure was likely to happen soon. So, there I was lying in my bed trying to watch the movie and pondering over what to do. So, I had to have this conversation :

The Going to the Restaurant Conversation :

Mind : You are hungry and you haven’t eaten in a while. Get a PIZZA.
Heart : Flashbacks to the previous day eating a Pizza for two all by myself. Yes, it has a long time. Get a PIZZA.
Me : You both make perfect sense. Thank you guys, I will definitely get a Pizza.
Mind : Wait, get out of the room and go to the restaurant. It is just a few blocks away. Walk and earn your Pizza. This way you could balance your weight as well. I know this is a brilliant idea to get you back in shape! pats itself on the back for the brilliant idea
Heart : Are you Mad? Isn’t it too much work? How about ordering it online? Easy peasy, don’t you think? Make use of t-e-c-h-n-o-l-o-g-y, mate!
Mind : No, walk. Burn some calories. Look at that tummy. At least in this way, you will be able to maintain…umm get those six packs you keep dreaming about.
Heart : That’s cold, mind. You’re such a spoil sport, mind. No wonder people keep telling you are empty inside. Whatever.
Me : Steps out of the house.
Me : Walks few meters to get into the cab I booked
Me : Orders a pizza for two
Me : Eats the whole pizza alone, forcefully and enjoying as well, but forcefully.

I reach back my room later that night and I go in front of the mirror, suck in the stomach and make it flat. If you assuming I do just that and feel all happy and go to sleep, then you are wrong. I pull my T-Shirt up and check if it is straight. If it isn’t straight, I suck in a little more until it becomes completely straight and I can slightly see the outlines of the six abs that are there and yes I do have six packs okay? You don’t have to be judgmental. The same routine is followed every morning and night. Who said I didn’t have six pack abs? Though I still couldn’t find that button of my shirt, that flew away while I accidentally let go of the sucked in stomach. 

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P.S. The images don’t really have to make sense, if the post did, then everything’s fine. Image Courtesy : QuoteFancy