The mind does what it wants to do, that is, if there is one.
TGITH

I have always believed that he never had one. It has always been a hollow spot for as long as I know. But that has somehow changed. I now believe that he does have a mind and quite frankly…wait for it.. he has lost it. His mind has gone berserk. What? Why are you looking so confused? Is there something on my face? Is my hair alright? Wait, is my zipper… it’s closed, so what is it then? Why are you looking at this post as if you don’t understand a think? Are you wondering who I am and what the hell I am speaking about? And most importantly, whom am I talking about? I am not making sense, am I? Dear Sir/Madam, has the author of this blog ever made sense? And unlike him, I try to make sense, as I have tried to do in so many instances, . So, whoever I am will be revealed before the post ends. For now bear with me and do understand that the so called author has no idea what is happening here. So, let’s keep it that way, capisce? 

Anyhow, I had to make the comeback on this blog somehow. I never needed a reason, but he has cut off my internet access and is always keeping me in the shadows. He drowns himself in movie and TV marathons that always keeps me at bay because I love movies and TV shows, and that’s probably my weakness. But then like I have mentioned earlier, he has lost it. That mind of his is ruining my peace. It is always screaming for no reason, whatsoever.

The other day I was having a nice cup of coffee, enjoying the caffeine give me the high while plotting my next move for the “new” crush of mine. I almost had a good time recollecting the last encounter and then there was this screaming voice that made me jump up in my very comfortable sofa. “Hahaha, remember? That thing you wanted to forget”.  It took me a while to find the ground under my feet after an abrupt short coming, but I was still clueless. I wanted to know what just happened and the reason to this sudden outburst by his wait for it brain. Yes, I am equally surprised that there indeed was one.  “I want you to think about it a lot more!”. What the actual fuck is happening? What was this all about? What did he even do?  I was and am left with questions and more questions. “Nothing can be normal now.” Oh boy, this is going of control. I try to sleep but then I realize the empty coffee cup in my hand. Oh great, no sleep tonight and on top of that these sudden maniacal outbursts. So, I am try to think about the good encounter I was thinking of earlier but th… “Oh, you remember that happened the other day”… oh, for god’s sake, leave me the hell alone, please. “You screwed up, and there is nothing you could do about it!” 

Music. Yes, music, why didn’t I think of this earlier? I quickly grab my headphones and put on the loud music, just to shoo this aberration. “Oh Music! Good try, a very good one indeed. But it keeps the outside noise away, not my voice! You are so screwed”. Oh man. What is the problem with this guy?  “Think about that, just think about it more”. I try to look away and  at anything that might distract. I just look at random stuff but …“Does this remind you of it?”..even if there is no relation. Movies. Well well well, I should have thought this earlier. I am usually so engrossed in movies that I can’t even tell if there was a 10 point Richter earthquake, so this should definitely do the trick. And it did. “Movies, yay! Something that I can’t let anyone bother or disturb. But I promise that I will begin my ritual a second after the movie ends”, his stupid mind went as a disclaimer to the movie. The movie gets over and a second later…“You know you didn’t nothing wrong, but still I will not let you forget”. What is wrong with this guy’s mind? I just want to get out of here. Unfortunately I am stuck here, but atleast leave me alone! “Okay, I have tortured you enough! I give you a 5 second recess, and then we will begin again!”, “I want you to think about it a lot more!” “You have made a mistake and now you have to deal with it!”

I had no choice but to give up. I just can’t handle any more of this senseless debacle. This wasn’t going anywhere or helping anyone either. “You really think you can forget it? You really think I would let you forget it? I know there was nothing wrong that you did, may be a little, but I will haunt you with that forever. Ha ha ha”.  And just when I was about to lose my temper and all, “Oh wait, now, you can’t even write, because you will be thinking about that”. I wanted to disagree and tell it to shut the hell up and reassure this piece of useless mind that it can’t affect the writing. No, never. It just laughed and laughed, taunting me.

So, I took over. I had to. For two reasons :
a. I have taken too much time away from writing.
b. The CEO of this blog is battling with that useless mind of his.
c. I just wanted to let this out and may be I could listen music in peace, watch things and not let them remind of whatever that needs reminding.
d. Did I say two reasons? I am weak at maths. Was never about to find that x, ever. “Did it help? Did you think it was that easy to let one of you do whatever you please?” Oh Jesus ducking Christ.

____

Who am I?

You are kidding, right? Are you still stuck at this question? But since you have come this far, that would only mean that you really wanted to know. So, I am obliged to say who I am. I used to go by the name, “The Guy in the Hat”. Who the hell is that?, I could hear you scream at the top of your voice in your head. Exactly. I am the voice in the head, the actual voice that doesn’t come out much, that always tells what’s the right thing to do, but the mind always counter attacks. The voice that is always there during the stupid meetings cursing under the breath and always guiding and motivating to do the right thing, and yet the voice that is discarded without even listening properly. Dude, I am the voice in the head and I can hear you questioning the name. Well, I didn’t have any physical form, did I? So, I needed to represent myself somehow, and hence I choose an avatar. Unfortunately, they stopped the franchise that used to let me play around with my creative skills of creating  narrative around my avatar and the “CEO” of the blog.

Until later,
– The Guy in the Hat.