This was not something new. I am used to it. Was I crying ? No. I wasn’t. Once I used to for situations like such. Now, I am not. I want to, but I really can’t. It was a dark room filled with the hotness of the frustration. Why frustration ? Something happened the other day. And the day before that and the whole week before that and the whole previous year. It just grew bigger and bigger, bolder and bolder. But what about me? I was just staring ruthlessly at it, even helping it grow bigger and bolder. There was frustration in me and there still is. I am the cause and I should be the remedy. But how? I tried. I summoned myself. It didn’t help. It never did. I was lucky. Yeah, lucky to be unlucky. Somethings really don’t change. And some people don’t change either. I am not an exceptional. I am unchangeable. I disagree with the previous statement of mine. Some people can be changed and some people don’t want to be changed. And some people try to change. This post isn’t about change. I already wrote about it in the previous posts.
Whats’ my problem actually? I know that I have a problem, but does that really bother you? No, right ? Then why bother? I stopped giving a damn about it. So, telling about it is out of question. Whats’ much more creepy is that I am under a kind of surveillance. I need to be alert and keep my thoughts together before I slip anything wrong. Yeah, I am holding myself back. I don’t want to be a good-boy-bad-boy dual personality person. Accept the fact that I am an idiot and if in case you are having some doubt, I will prove you wrong. Believe me in that, I seriously will. But the unfortunate thing is that I make it a lot easier for you to believe it in the first glance itself so that I don’t have to work hard later to prove it. Earlier the previous day, I had a sort of argument. Believe me, I would have kept my way quite all the time, but I am no same person anymore. I was firing back strongly. What happened was that I kinda blacked out. This doesn’t mean that I fell down. I was sitting comfortably in the sofa when the argument began. As it was going on ( lets say, it was their turn of the so-called-debate ) and were speaking their part out, everything around me went black. I knew that something was happening, but what that I really don’t know. And when it was my turn, the sight was clear by then and again as they started back-firing (so I call it), I blacked out. But, this was no big deal as I ended it with a draw.
