Fourteen days have passed in this year and I feel nothing new. I didnt even feel the sense of new year. Why? I never knew. No. I never wanted to tell. There are many reasons. Now I feel so devastated. Seriously. I feel so s-c-r-e-w-e-d. I am in deep deep trouble. I know that I have eyes on my back. Sometimes I can’t actually think what to do! I can’t believe that I made some serious mistakes. That’t not the problem. The problem is that I am unable to get out of the trouble. I was good at getting out of troubles. But now, my mind is totally numb. There is nothing that my mind can think of. There are so many things in my mind. And all those things are totally absurd and rubbish. Still, I am not getting a clear mind. Darn.
Seriously, I lost touch of everything. Why? Fear? Frustration? wth..? Those two things are there. Fear of what ? Of future ! I have no answer to that. Actually I have the answer, but on this public forum, it is not so appropriate to tell. Frustration is when what I intended to do doesn’t happen the way I want it to. (Its not anything new) . I know. The mind thing. It plays at the expense of (I don’t know what to call it).
I had a plan to work all this out. Really, I made one. If that had worked out perfectly, I wouldn’t be here writing this nonsense post. I can’t help it. I have to think of something else and this time I have to make it work. Somehow.
Three days back my phone kept ringing most of the day. I was surprised to see it ringing. Actually no one calls me except my mom/dad. Dad did call though. But after him, my phone was still ringing for quite some time. I didn’t answer it because I had no idea what to tell. I was myself in a chromatic shock. I know about them. They are real gems and brainy people. I don’t know how they got into this college, but they deserve much better college. Probably now they will be going to better and best colleges. But I am stuck in this mess. The mess is so tangled. And I can’t make out of this. I wish I had a magic wand and with a spell I could get out of this tangled mess!
I managed to write this far despite my unsteadiness of the mind / brain. Great. I am losing my touch of writing (as if I had earlier) ! Whatever.
-Troubled Person.
