Perhaps, it is meant to be.
So, I had been racking up my mind for a while now. Where do I start? How do I start? The wait for the right time, the right moment is so overrated. Because there is never one. Believe me, I know because I had been looking for one for a while now. Let me start with my blog itself. I know for a fact that no one reads it. I literally have to force a few people to sit and read some of the stuff that I had written. Also, come to think of it, I am not that good of a writer. I thought I was. Because this one criteria that I had been writing for a long while is sort of a justification for me to validate myself as one of the elite writers there are. If you didn’t hear, my best novels are just right around the corner. They will be coming out at any moment now.
Speaking of writing, not only am I not at all good at it, I have managed to piss a multitude of people. Whatever happens around me is on the blog, is a common phrase that moves around the circles that I am loosely accustomed with, once. After all the melodrama that I pull, one at a time, the people start to turn away. It goes without saying that I don’t have many friends and even more importantly, I probably shouldn’t write. So, I have decided to do just that. Because I don’t see a point of writing anymore. It used to be my escape at one time. Now, I am even scared of writing not to jinx anything. I have come across this new phenomenon where I have successfully managed t screw almost everything up. Or perhaps it is just me and that I carry this aura of energy that succumbs me into it deeper and deeper. One of the many reasons, why I think of staying away from people. Because I don’t want to drag them down even the slightest possible way. I am like that black cat ant that unlucky number everyone tries to avoid. With all that had been happening with me, I prefer myself to be more isolated and reserved since I never know what will happen when and how bad it is going to be the next time around. And for some reason avoiding and isolation and being a complete ‘stupid’ asshole seemed to be the best option out there.
Well, don’t get me wrong. I had been trying to change things around and not giving up as easy as I had been giving up earlier. That never worked for me and it always ends up even worse than it had started with. So, I made it a point to see it through or at least try to see it through. And for some reason, it still wasn’t enough. And with time, from that let’s see this through changes to why even. Currently, I am at the latter stage and I keep looking for some miracle to happen out of the blue but come on, let’s be honest, there rarely is a silver lining, oh well, at least no silver or any other metal linings for me.
I think this is going to be a “great” year for me, not that the previous years have been any less good. But this is going to be the next level and for some reason, I know it and feel it too. Two months into the year and it gives you ample experience already. That means that this is the year it all happens, and hopefully, there won’t be another year. #FingersCrossed. Well, I guess I am done with talking to myself for the day. Let’s meet again, hopefully on another blog.
Perhaps,
I will shut down this blog.
I will start all over again, like the million other times I did.
And lastly, this is the year it all happens.
24 responses to “Forlorn”
I’m reading your blog. Don’t shut it down. If not all posts, I must have read most of it. Keep it. There’s one post here which I come back and read whenever I’m feeling down, so don’t shut down your blog. Regards, Gracie
Thank you Graci for the continued support.
I will think over it and will see what can be done about the blog. But thanks for ocassionally dropping by. Really appreciate it. 🙂
Please do think about it, don’t shut down your blog. You’ve written a lot and work hard for it. With your permission I am printing that poem I always come back to have a read in here.
If all that ‘hard work’ is not attributed to, what is even the point of all that?
Just that this is becomming a heavy on the pocket, and if I am doing something, anything at all, I wouldn’t even had this thought. Anyhow, thank you.
And yes, you may. 🙂
I am not sure which poem is it that has you coming back.
I was hoping for a Captain Marvel review but this is definitely not what I expected to read. No first day first show review of a Marvel movie? Also you need to relax and stop overthinking. You wrote for yourself not for others. I agree low viewership can be discouraging but internet is a huge place and there are a lot of content creators out here. You have to be famous or offer something unique or be scandalous or something to come in the limelight and hog the views but I know you are not that extrovert. It takes time, everything takes time. But you have to socialize more, you have to let others know you, atleast online if not personally. You need to tell People you exist. Social media is the best tool to do so. You can be an extrovert online. You can be anyone online.
I saw it just last night. The review is on its way. And if I manage to complete it, it will be up here on my blog.
Yes, that is true. I did write for myself, that’s how it all started, but then I got greedy, and lacked talent at the same time. Perhaps the mistake was thinking I was any good at this stuff considering that I had been doing this for years now, I must have to be very well experienced and talented to say the least. I was wrong.
It’s not the viewership that bugs me. What does that is when I write something which needs some action to be taken, or voice out something that is quite concerning, it just feels like talking to myself.
I have tried that. Being an extrovert online. I know I can be anyone, but as far as I remember I was as myself I possibly can. Do you think it would be good if I’m pretending to be someone I’m not?
Waiting for the review so do put it up and no spoilers please! I have thankfully saved myself from any spoilers and reviews because it’s still a week before I will be able to watch it. But I am waiting for yours. And me here today was just for that. Anyhow.
You don’t lack talent. AT ALL. You have written some amazing poetry (She is Poetry is my favorite) and some amazing posts specially those A to Z you used to do… So I really don’t know where this is coming from or who is feeding this to your brain.. (I know it’s you, so please stop feeding this to your brain.)
There is nothing wrong in talking to yourself. In order to talk to other people or make them listen to you, you need to socialize, which you are so scared of. You can’t have both things.
As long as you are not hurting (physically and emotionally) (and by emotional hurt I mean being arrogant, rude or abusive) anyone you can pretend to be anyone online. It might just help you get out of your introversion and you end up making some friends and it boosts your confidence to socialize in real life too.
Obviously, I’ll not give any spoilers. Oh, that’s good for you. You’ll love the movie. Why a week? Whoa! That’s a lot of time. You might get exposed to some or the the spoiler.
Why, thank you. Well, that was written with someone in mind. So, perhaps it came out good.
That’s so nice of you. It’s all coming from me. Because I do that. Introspect and came up with factual/ bizarre scenarios.
I’ll try.
Sigh. We can’t have everything, can we? Or even something, in some cases.
Maybe, it could work.
Your AM and PM time stamps on replies are messed up.
No I have shielded myself effectively from any spoilers. And people I know are not marvel fans, so I am protected.😂
Oooooo… Who was it written for?😍
They are bizzare, not factual.
You can have anything and everything in this world as long as you work for it.
No harm in trying.
There is a reason for the timestamp variation.
What? You don’t have any Marvel fan friends? That’s like impossible. You’ve your BF.
Well…
Let’s just say that we agree to disagree.
PREACH!!
True, no harm in trying. But perhaps taking that first step is all that matters.
Yeah I know the reason now.
Yeah but he doesn’t give spoilers and he too hasnt watched it yet. We booked tix for tomorrow.
Well…? Doesn’t answer my question.
First step has already been taken.
Okay, nice.
If he hasn’t, he couldn’t anyway. So, Captain Marvel is actually… Well, I bet you will like it.
I think the person knows/or would know if that post had been read.
And… was there another step?
Yeah! Nice for you. Congrats!
I know I will. It’s Marvel after all.
What about others? Others dont know. Accha tell me secretly, in crypted/ coded words.
The next step depends on you.
Yup. Thanks.
Exactly.
It wasn’t meant for others anyway. Like I said, the person would know.
It’s always a two-way street. So.
Tomorrow plan cancelled. 😑
Ok.
Hmm.
I see. I guess it might have happened any of the other weeks?
Yeah.
mmm…
It didn’t. Unfortunately. Still have not seen it.
Don’t hmm me.
Two way street is when both ends of the road are open. Are both ends open?
Oh, that sucks.
Hmm.
You tell me.
I only know about one end and that is open. So what about the other end?
I know. I’m on that side. So, what about the other end ? 🤷🏻♂️
Arre! My end is open what about your end? Is your end open or you still blocking it by anger and ego and attitude and other negative emotions?
That’s what I told. Mine is wide open.
The last time I did take that step, it wasn’t welcomed. So, like I said, two way street, and I’m at the open end.
Check mail. (The one you have provided here on your blog).
I have to set it up again.
Better use this : [email protected]